I've been aware of my sensitivity for a long time, probably back to childhood, but until fairly recently I didn’t have the language of high sensitivity to articulate my experiences. For a long time I was on top of personality quizzes and have embraced the Enneagram—any resource that helped explain why I am the way that I am is something I gravitate to. Now, sensitivity has become another layer of understanding and avenue to cultivate compassion towards myself.

Although I’d read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron years ago, because there's a spectrum and I didn’t identify with absolutely everything in the book, I put it aside and thought there might be something there, but it didn’t feel as resonant in that moment. 

But during the pandemic I came across the work of Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist who has a podcast I started binge-listening to, and for whatever reason at this moment in time, the information just sunk in differently and I recognized something in myself. I started feeling less alone with this trait, and it helped me understand some of my needs even more deeply, and more compassionately too. 

And of course, I tend to look at everything through the lens of also being a writer and cultivating a creative life, so I’ve been thinking a lot about how being an HSP impacts my writing life, which we’ll touch on below.

What Is High Sensitivity?

Coined by Elaine Aron, high sensitivity refers to how deeply you perceive and respond to the world, both your physical and emotional environments. The more deeply your brain processes information, the more sensitive you are. Sensitivity is a fundamental human trait (we’re all sensitive to some degree), but those with a higher degree of sensitivity experience and process the world differently. 

In her book she uses an acronym, DOES, that I find helpful to describe the core traits.

• D = depth of processing. “Our fundamental characteristic is that we observe and reflect before we act. We process everything more, whether we are conscious of it or not.

• O = easily overstimulated. “If you’re going to pay more attention to everything, you are bound to tire sooner.

• E = giving emphasis to our emotional reactions - “having strong empathy helps us notice and learn”

• S = sensitivity “and all the subtleties around it.” 

The Science Behind High Sensitivity

HSPs are believed to comprise between 15-20% of the population. I also once heard that there are 100 species of animals that have the trait of high sensitivity, so it’s something that exists in nature and has a very functional and important purpose, but because the world is set up to favor those without this trait, it can sometimes feel like you’re alone in it. All the more reason to talk about and normalize it.

Of course, we’re all sensitive to some degree, but some are more sensitive than others. A researcher at Queen Mary University in London calls sensitivity a “continuum,” which makes sense that some people might be lower on the spectrum, and others higher on the spectrum. (To see where you fall, I highly recommend taking a free online quiz if you haven’t already.)

Some of our sensitivity is actually due to our genes, and some of it comes from how we’re raised. Our genes are what determine our basic sensitivity level. That same researcher, Dr. Michael Pluess, suggests that your genes account for 47% and the other 53% comes from environmental factors and life experiences, particularly in early childhood. I’m not going to do a deep dive in this episode, but I’ll put a link in the show notes to an article that goes more in depth into those genes that are related to dopamine, serotonin, and something called an ‘emotional vividness’ gene that’s tied into our body’s stress response. 

If you are an HSP, it’s likely that there’s a more active part of your brain that relates to empathy, emotion, and reading social cues—basically means you’re highly alert (which can veer into hypervigilant sometimes) and really tuned in to the people around you. 

Common Traits of Highly Sensitive People

In addition to the acronym we went over, here are some of the most common traits that can help clue you in to whether or not you’re an HSP. This list isn’t exhaustive by any means but if you do have some sensitivity, you’ll likely be able to see yourself in some of these traits. 

Hating violence or cruelty of any kind. If you’re someone who dislikes scary or violent movies, or struggles watching the news, that can be a sign of the HSP trait

Another one is becoming emotionally exhausted from absorbing other people’s feelings. If you’re a big feeler and also an empath, you might find yourself immediately sensing the moods of people around you, which can sometimes be really draining. 

For HSPs, time pressure can really be rattling. If you were the kid in school who felt like timed quizzes or speed tests made you feel anxious, or as an adult, when you have too many things on your do-do list, it can cause you to feel more stressed. 

Another way to know if you might be an HSP is to think about how you recharge. Even extroverts need time alone, but introverts and HSPs need even more time to soothe their senses, relax, and keep stimulation really minimal so their emotional batteries can recharge again.

In The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron writes:

“We are a package deal, however. Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.”

We touched on this in the acronym about depth of processing, but if you are a deep thinker, an overthinker, or someone who replays events and conversations in your mind, that’s another trait to consider.

HSPs are also deep thinkers in the realms of life’s big questions. They ask why things are the way they are, they’re captivated by the mysteries of human nature and the universe, and their inner world is very rich. Maybe as a child you had imaginary friends and were prone to daydreaming. In adulthood, this might present as having really vivid and detailed dreams. 

You might also be an HSP if you struggle with change. Change can be difficult for anyone, but HSPs especially take comfort in their routines, and one reason is because what’s familiar is less stimulating than something new. So that’s why even good change can feel like it throws you off and that generally you’ll need more time than the average person to adjust. 

And the last trait I’ll share is the feeling of being misunderstood. If you were considered shy as a kid, or you had big feelings that weren’t met with care from those around you. If you’ve ever felt like something was wrong with you or people in your life, especially caregivers, just didn’t understand you, that’s one more sign you might be a highly sensitive person. 

Again, there are many more examples to choose from, but this gives us a good launching pad for the rest of the conversation. And on the heels of a big list like this, I wanted to mention the importance of not pathologizing your sensitivity. Researchers often use the term “sensory processing sensitivity” to describe the experience of HSPs, but The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) does not list sensory processing sensitivity as a diagnosis. So this isn’t an illness or a condition so much as an evolved personality trait. This circles back to this idea of HSPs often thinking something is wrong with them, when in fact it’s just how you’re wired and how you experience the world. 

What It Looks Like to be an HSP Writer

Beyond the HSP trait generally, here are five specific ways sensitivity might show up in your writing life. 

1. Difficulty focusing

As an HSP, you can’t show up the same way to your writing life every day. If you ever feel like you don’t understand why the recommendation to get up early and write or stick to a strict word count don’t feel good to you, this trait might be part of it. We need to be really in tune with our needs that won’t be the same every day. We can’t just “push through” without experiencing the depletion that comes afterwards. We need more breaks, more time to recharge, nad if you have a menstrual cycle, part of this is wrapped up in those inner seasons that change week to week as well.

2. Trouble reading certain books or topics

If you have a more sensitive nervous system, you might struggle with topics where people are harmed in some way, or there’s trauma or violence, especially if it’s depicted graphically. I’ve always been sensitive to this so I don’t need to see something or witness it on the news or read it in a novel even. There are certain books I just can’t read, and I’ve sometimes struggled with this because I don’t want to seem like I don’t care about these topics or don’t want to be informed, because it’s so important for these stories to be told, but my brain just can’t absorb all the trauma sometimes. In situations like this, knowing your threshold is really important. Maybe you can read fiction but not nonfiction. Maybe you can read essays but not watch news. Maybe you need to avoid a certain topic entirely. In practice I think this will look a little bit different for each person, but if there are certain topics that are more triggering for you for any reason, hold a boundary for yourself there.

3. Needing alone time

If you consider yourself an introvert—if you need to recharge alone—and not all writers or HSPs are—but if that’s you, you (and I) need to be really vigilant in building in downtime to recharge. If I attend a reading at a bookstore, I need a day to recover. If I lead a workshop online, maybe a couple of days. If I actually travel somewhere to give a reading or do whatever—I might need a week. Energetic depletion is real for HSPs, and whenever we do something out of our routine, even if it’s a great thing that we want to do, we’re going to feel tired. This happens to me all the time and it’s so important to be aware of the time and space you need to both prepare for the event, and also to recover from it on the other side.

4. Internalizing criticism

Writers will inevitably encounter criticism at some point. Whether it’s a bad book review, your work being rejected by journals, that’s just par for the course in the writing life. BUT as an HSP, these rejections can sting even more. Some of this hurt we’re feeling today can go way back to when we were growing up. If you’re someone who was told “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re overreacting” or “grow a thicker skin,” etcetera. These comments are all forms of gaslighting where the person who says them tries to make you doubt yourself and deny your own feelings. If this has happened to you, and you’ve grown up feeling ashamed about why you’re so easily wounded, or feel like there’s a right or wrong level of sensitivity, don’t perpetuate the cycle and continue gaslighting yourself. When these feelings come up, allow yourself to feel them. Don’t berate yourself for having them. In these moments, We need to be mindful not to attach these outcomes to our self worth, remind ourselves that our work isn’t for everyone and that’s fine and good, and cultivate the self-trust required to keep moving forward. 

5. Focusing on the negative

Finally, it’s really easy to focus on the negative, and I have a habit of doing that myself, but deep thinking, intense empathy, and having access to all of our feelings in particular, is something that feels a little bit like a superpower in writing because all of that is what makes stories come to life, and makes them compelling to read, and what captures the raw, messy, and beautiful experience of being human. 

As we close, I wanted to leave you with a quote from book Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World.

“Sensitive people should not apologize for needing downtime to rest, for saying no, for leaving an overstimulating event early, for crying or feeling things deeply, or for other needs related to their sensitive nature. While the decision to stop saying you’re sorry might be a long road, it starts here—with you and with the rest of us. Rather than an embarrassing secret or a stumbling series of explanations, sensitivity should be recognized as what it is: a normal, healthy trait that we all share to some degree. Not only is it normal, but sensitivity can also become a source of pride, something we can love and enjoy about ourselves.”